Sunday, January 6, 2013

'Gram of the Week (12/5/11 - 12/11/11)


Ever hear of Patch?  Patch is a hyperlocal online news service. They are community-specific and encourage community contribution in order to realize the success and survival of their operation. They have a presence in many towns and cities in about half of the United States. Chances are high there’s a Patch online publication in your town.

Jude is a sales manager in the New York City office, selling local digital time to advertisers. A die-hard Jets fan, his coworkers wanted to celebrate with a singing telegram of a rapping gorilla. It gives me a chance to enhance my usual gorilla with some bling,  a leather jacket, and baseball cap. This group added a New York Jets jersey to spice things up a little.

Very conscious of his health, Jude lives for his protein shakes, eggs, and peanut butter. He’s up every day at 4:30 AM to lift weights, box, and workout. Then he bitches and moans on his way to work, because he commutes from New Jersey and sweats on the train.

All week long, he avoids carbs like the plague and then binges every weekend. For lunch every day, it’s “street meat” from a vendor. He bites his fingernails until they bleed and “pec pops” (flexes his pectoral muscles).  He wears extremely tight clothing and because his biceps are so big, his wife has to peel his t-shirt off every night.  And apparently, he has a “thing” for Nick Lachey.

This guy’s a hot mess!

(delivered a la rapping style)

This job can’t be the easiest, it causes stress indeed
You always bite your fingernails until they’re known to bleed
Your boys are not complaining, but they might sue you for libel
Do Luke and Matthew know they’re named for Gospels in the Bible?
Your diet’s like a paradox, I’m serious, no joke
One minute healthy, then it’s chocolate chips and Diet Coke
Every thing you do is macho, still I have to say
I’ve been told that you have a “man-crush” on Nick Lachey !


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